There’s been some toxic relationships in my family long before I was ever born. Both of my parents come from broken families. My mom’s side actually goes back farther as my great grandparents on my grandmother’s side were divorced as well. So divorce seems to run rampant in my family as well as toxic parental relationships.
Starting with my mom’s side, my great grandparents divorced when my grandmother was in her teens, leaving my great grandmother to raise 4 children on her own. After that my grandmother had a very strained relationship with my great grandfather, only to somewhat reconcile much later in life due to the kind-hearted persistence of my step great grandmother. My grandparents ended up divorcing when my mom was 5, leaving my grandmother to raise 4 kids on her own herself, while still working and putting herself through college. While doing so, she emotionally neglected my mom and her 3 siblings, but especially my mom. This caused a lot of emotional damage for my mom that she’s still working through even today.
My grandfather was a much more hurtful man though. After the divorce, he married my grandmother’s then ex sister-in-law and claimed her 3 daughters over my mom and her siblings, which only caused my mom that much more emotional trauma. He was so uncaring of my mom and her siblings that when he passed, his will stated that “to my 4 biological children I leave you each $1”. That hurt even me, and it was painful to see that be the way that my mom had always been treated by my grandfather.
Now my dad’s side is a little shorter, with only my grandparents being divorced, but my father’s childhood was still rough to say the least. My grandfather was abusive, and my grandmother was emotionally neglectful, putting my step-uncle’s before her own 3 kids. This is unfortunately something my dad learned since he’s done this to my brother and I with both girlfriend’s kids.
Unfortunately, misery likes company and with both of my parents coming from broken homes, with emotionally neglected backgrounds, they made for a pretty toxic combo. My mom acknowledged the fact that the way she was raised wasn’t the best and that she didn’t want my brother and I to grow up feeling the same way she did. My dad on the other hand figured that as long as he wasn’t physically abusing us like his father did, then he was the better person, but sometimes the emotional pain is harder to bear than the physical.
Due to my grandparents way of raising my dad, uncle and aunt, all 3 of them went through divorces, have had very toxic relationships, and my uncle possibly had the worst time with mental health, leading to him taking his own life in February of 2001. I now realize where my uncle possibly was at mentally because I’ve been there, but I use him as my example of inspiration to break the cycle and end the toxicity in my family while also bringing forth suicide awareness.
If you’re the product of such a cycle and are realizing and healing that trauma, know that you are a brave soul! Please know that today might look dark but the moon is always darkest when its new. Don’t let suicide be how your family cycle is broken, always remember there’s someone who is willing to listen because they want you in their lives. Feel free to reach out to me, family, friends, or even the Suicide Hotline by phone or text if you need someone to talk to when you think it’s all too much to handle. You are a beautiful soul!
